More Likely Than Not

By Carl and Jo Ann Hauser
For the football fans out there, you already know what I’m going to talk about. The NFL used the phrase, “More likely than not,” and the phrase “More probable than not,” to describe whether they believed if Tom Brady knew anything about under-inflated footballs. (Deflate-Gate) In the nicest possible way they concluded nobody else would benefit from under-inflated footballs. So, it was “more likely than not” he knew something.

Let’s see how that phrase works in the real world. You tell your kid to take out the trash, and he responds, “More likely than not, I will.” The dentist tells you, “More likely than not, you’re going to experience a little discomfort.” By the way, ‘a little discomfort’ is dentist code for excruciating pain! You tell your boss more likely than not you’ll be at work tomorrow. That should go over well! And if you’re talking to your wife, trust me, “More likely than not,” are words that should never come out of your mouth!

A while back I attended an event down in Alamo, along with nine women and one other guy. After the event, they all wanted to go out to lunch. The ladies chose Bamboo Gardens. Now if you know me very well, you know I’m a really picky eater . . . kind of like a five-year-old. I’ve always told my wife, “No way am I eating Chinese!” Being a good sport, and drastically outnumbered, I said, “Fine with me.” My wife was not among the women. About half way through the meal, I told the ladies they can’t tell Jo Ann where we ate. I should have made them raise their right hand and repeat after me, or at least a pinky swear, because as soon as we got back to the Senior Center, there was Jo Ann waiting. The first thing out of her mouth was, “Where did you eat?” The girls scattered. Then I told her it was ‘need to know.’ If you know Jo Ann, that answer wasn’t going to work. About that time another girl came through the door, who I won’t name. All right; it was Paula! Jo Ann asked, “Where did you all eat?” Paula, apparently being more afraid of Jo Ann than me, said, “I don’t know where the rest of them ate, but I ate at Bamboo Gardens.” More likely than not, I’ll be taking Jo Ann to a Chinese restaurant really soon!

Just so you know what kind of month I’ve been having, one of my sons called me while we were doing our monthly food distribution. He was having rebellion problems with his 14-year-old daughter. Rebellious teenage daughter? Whoever heard of that?! Roadrunner is very noisy, so I went back to the storeroom, and gave him my best advice, other than ‘run for your life.’ In the process of the conversation, I thought he told me the other grandparents had asked if something happened to both of them if they could raise the kids. I didn’t respond to what I thought I heard, because it was very noisy and I was trying to give good answers for dealing with my granddaughter. A few weeks went by, then one morning I awoke and realized I hadn’t told him we would be happy to raise our grandchildren in the event of their demise. Afraid I had left my son with the wrong impression, Jo Ann and I quickly sent them an email. Basically I told them, in the nicest possible way, over my dead body would anybody other than Jo Ann and me raise those kids in the event of their demise. I went on to point out how the other grandparents were ten years older, and listed various other reasons that the kids would be better off living in Cloudcroft with Jo Ann and me. Later that day I called my son to check on how he was doing with his rebellious daughter. He said things were better. Then he asked me what the heck I was talking about as to who was going to get the kids. Apparently I had dreamed that scenario up. More likely than not, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do, when we go to visit this summer. Hope we don’t see the other grandparents!

So let’s review what we’ve learned. 1) Being seen out to lunch with nine women, none of whom is your wife, is better than being seen out with one woman who is not your wife. 2) My fortune cookie lied to me. 3) Teenage girls are scary. 4) More likely than not, “Yes, Dear,” is your best answer.

By the time you read this article, we will have had our annual Staff Appreciation Day. We torture our girls with bad jokes, games with no-win scenarios, then we give them chocolate. This year’s Employee of the Year was our kitchen manager Rachelle. This past year we added a salad bar and a second main entrée; she handled all the change like the professional she is with no complaining. Many days she was at the Center preparing food as early as 4:00 AM. Michele Hudman received special recognition for her long service as our homemaker, treating all the Seniors she serves with great care. We love all our girls! We have the best staff in the world!

New fun events are in the planning. Check in at the Senior Center to learn of these activities. We have started playing dominos, Joker, and Farkle in the middle of the week after lunch; we call it Wednesdays with Ozelle and Rachel. Hope to see you soon. May our Lord Jesus Christ grant you favor and blessings.

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