Follow Me to the Senior Center – F Y I

By Carl and Jo Ann Hauser
Have you noticed the younger crowd (those under 60) tend to talk by abbreviation? It’s probably from all the texting they do. Now, I don’t text because I’m too cheap to pay for it. I only get about four phone calls a month; three of them are from my wife Jo Ann – they just go to voicemail. However, I have picked up some of the lingo. For example: TMI is too much information; BFF – best friends forever; LOL – laugh out loud; OMG – oh, my gosh; BYAM – between you and me; PDA – public display of affection; FYI – for your information, and XOXOXO – kiss/hug. Pay attention; you will be tested on this later! FYI, only girls sign cards and letters XOXOXO.

April is the dreaded month when everyone is supposed to file their taxes. I’ve been doing my own taxes for over 40 years, and occasionally help a few friends out with theirs. Again, I do my own because I’m cheap! Even when the IRS started electronic filing, I made sure I could do them for free. Most tax programs will allow you to file federal for free, but charge you for the state. So, once I’ve done my federal, I go to the State of New Mexico website to complete my state taxes.

This year New Mexico has named their website TAP (Taxpayer Access Point). I always work my taxes out on paper first, before entering their online program. This helps eliminate surprises. This year after figuring our taxable income, we checked the tax table and saw we were due a refund of 5. With confidence Jo Ann and I proceeded into the TAP program. The program came up with the identical taxable income, but said our refund would be 3. I was going to let it go- after all, it was only two dollars- but Jo Ann wouldn’t. (It was almost one-half her weekly allowance.) They have an email address where you can send any questions, comments or complaints. (Big mistake on their part!) We sent a polite email. We explained that the tax they said we owed was two dollars more than what their own tax table said. With the greatest diplomacy we asked if they had a two-dollar fee for using their website, or is there a glitch in their system? Two days passed. Then we got a response that basically said, “What?” So we explained again with a little more detail. Ten days passed. Then someone more knowledgeable, and only slightly condescending, said taxes can be confusing. (I wasn’t confused.) Then he admitted the program they were using doesn’t always come out exactly the same as the tax table. Since then I’ve heard from two other friends, who were also charged two dollars more. I have yet to hear from anyone charged two dollars less! Larry Barker should investigate, right? In conclusion OMG! FYI the TAP ripped me off for two dollars! There will be no PDAs from me, and Jo Ann says to the State of New Mexico, “No XOXOXO for you!”

FYI my sister came to visit last month. We get along fine. We only see each other every couple of years, and that helps. She’s an older sister, so growing up, every time I got in trouble, I would blame it on her. (It was usually justified.) I found out I had a story she had never heard. When we were in college, we shared an old Corvair. The only problem was we were going to school 300 miles apart. We would each keep the car for three months. When it was her turn, she would come to Lawrence (KU) on a bus with her girlfriends Rita, Heather, Penny and Krank. (Yeah, I don’t know what Krank means either.) KU is a bit of a party town. At that time you could drink beer at age eighteen. Her girlfriends came to party. They were all cute. I didn’t mind and my roommates were grateful.

One time Rita and Krank decided to come on their own. They had scored free airplane tickets, and flew into Kansas City one weekend. Before I continue you must realize I’m sharing one of the worst days of my life. After drinking to excess all weekend, on Sunday afternoon I took the girls Rita and Krank back to the airport. Tired, blurry-eyed, and hung over I had gotten to within a mile of home. I came to a round-about. Suddenly I found myself pushing a Fiat half way around the circle. In my defense (I really had none!) Fiat’s sit about a foot off the ground; I didn’t see him. I was charged with careless driving and had to post a $100 bond. Now can you imagine asking your mother to call her friends and come up with $100 at eight o’clock on a Sunday night? Later I found out Rita and Krank had passed out in the airport bathroom and missed their plane! My sister was stunned to hear this story, so she immediately texted her friend Rita. Rita said, “LOL, I don’t remember!” Rita texted Krank. Krank said to her BFF, “OMG! I remember the trip, but not the plane.” Then Rita said, “I remember. I went with Judy the travel agent who got us the free tickets.” At this point you might be wondering what I got out of the trip. As Bill Clinton would say, “I did not have sex with either woman.” Really. And apparently they wouldn’t have remembered anyway! The only thing I got were the three Hs: hung over, humiliated, and a hundred dollar fine! So let’s review what we’ve learned. 1) There was a plane. 2) Don’t drink and drive. 3) My sisters BFFs came to TGIF. They BYOB’d, but by Sunday there was no LOL! TGFG – Thank God for Grace!

If you want to LOL, you can come to the Senior Center any day Monday through Friday. BYAM the Senior Center offers great stress relief: exercises, games for your mind, and just chatting over lunch – all with your BFFs! Please call in your lunch reservations by 8:30 AM. As a reminder Roadrunner Food Bank is now the first Friday of the month. So we don’t overload you with TMI, check out Marty’s website: Happy Easter – God Bless!

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