Follow Me to the Senior Center Beep Beep

By Carl and Jo Ann Hauser
We have a family tradition which is ‘you never go to the doctor unless you absolutely have to’ . . . like if you can barely breathe, your leg’s about to fall off, or your pain level is at least a seven. When you finally break down and go to a doctor, and he asks you how severe your pain is on a scale of one to ten, always say ten, if you want the good stuff. Actually, I’m the one who won’t see a doctor; Jo Ann won’t see a dentist. She’s crying on her way in, and I’m crying on my way out (as I pay the bill!).

Anyway, Jo Ann twisted her knee a few weeks ago. At the end of the day, she’s lying in bed looking very uncomfortable with her swollen knee. So, I say, “Would you like for me to get you an ice pack?” She responds in the wimpiest possible voice, “Only if you want to.” Seriously. I should have responded, “Okay, maybe later.” I know we’ve discussed this before, but when it comes to doing something for women, don’t believe what they say. Just by looking into those puppy-dog eyes ~ you know there’s only one possible answer. When your wife says, “Don’t get me anything for my birthday,” don’t believe it!

Now that we’ve set the ground rules, and established who is in charge (the women), we can move onto our main topic, which is the volunteers of our Roadrunner Food Bank. Our village couldn’t operate without its volunteers. We have volunteer fire fighters, volunteers at the Museum, Library, Chamber, and yes, at our Senior Center, too. I’m guessing all share one thing in common: the women set the rules!

Once a month on the first Friday, forty of our finest show up at the Senior Center to distribute food provided by Roadrunner. Some of our regulars include (on the women’s side): Buffy, Marilyn, Marty, Paula, Ozelle, Marcie, Jerrilyn, Sue, Jo Ann, Millie, Pam, Val, Evie, Cary, Barbara, Debbie, Doreen, BJ and Cheryl. The men include a pair of Jims, a pair of Jacks, George, Gary, Mike, Russell, Dennis, Dan, Jerry, Doc, Guymon, Barlow and Carl. I’m sure I’ve forgotten to mention a few other great volunteers, but remember ‘the meek shall inherit the earth,’ and won’t be made fun of by me!
Our fabulous forty gather at high noon. When the Roadrunner truck shows up, we begin three hours of organized chaos. Now, it’s not a matter of which woman is in charge; they’re all in charge! They all get three hours of Nirvana, telling us guys what to do and where to go. That’s right, it’s the Twilight Zone. As the guys are hurriedly unloading the truck, and bringing the food into the Center, we are first met by Marty yelling, “Move faster, move faster!” Marrianne is pointing us to the right tables. Once we get the truck unloaded, Paula goes from table to table slapping yellow stickers on our foreheads. We now know how much of each item we can give.

The produce table is the most challenging. We literally get a ton of produce, in a wide variety of fruits and vegetables. Sue is usually in charge of the produce, and can be heard counselling us guys in the nicest possible way saying, “Can’t you count?” Two ladies who are regulars at the produce table are Pam and Val. They work diligently with smiles on their faces. That’s right, they paid me to say that! Debbie is in charge of finding and removing the over-ripe produce; just don’t turn your back on her . . . ‘nuff said! Ozelle guards the door, making sure all who pass have signed in. Finally at the height of our chaos, Mike can be heard yelling, “Can’t we just all get along?” as Marilyn is pushing him out the door. Okay, maybe I’ve been exaggerating a little. Marilyn is small and petite, so Buffy helps her push Mike out the door. By the end of the day we poor Seniors are sore and are ready for a hot tub! Forty Seniors in a hot tub ~ try getting that image out of your head!

If you see some old guy wandering around town in a daze, and if he has a yellow sticker on his forehead, give him a high five, or buy him a beer. He has been through the Roadrunner Apocalypse. So let’s review what we’ve learned: women rule!

If your family is going through a tough time, please call the Senior Center and get signed up for Roadrunner. If you are over 60, come join us for lunch. Our Senior Center has a fine staff. They’re all women, but they won’t order you around . . . much. Take a ride down to Alamo for shopping and lunch out on Mondays or Tuesdays. Play Farkle, Mexican Train, or bridge with friends after lunch. Exercise with Gail on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. We also have a small exercise room with equipment. There is a computer available for you, and wi-fi is offered if you bring your own computer. See how our Seniors roll at Marty rocks!

I know what you all are thinking. I’m going to pay dearly for this article. Might be time for a vacation. I did get Jo Ann some new tires for her birthday. That should make up for it; right? God Bless.

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