Follow Me to the Senior Center – I Do

By Carl and Jo Ann Hauser
Marrianne, the Executive Director of our Senior Center, is getting married to a really nice guy named Chris. After a great deal of contemplation (about thirty seconds) I asked myself, “Do I want to make fun of my friends?” The answer was a resounding, “I do! I do!” What kind of low life would make jokes about his friend’s wedding? (That would be me!) So what does it really mean when you step up to the altar and say, “I do?”

Let’s discuss the proper responses for a new husband. If you are driving around town, and your wife is telling you which way to go, unless you want to be told ‘where to go,’ the proper response is always . . . “Yes, Dear!” It’s Sunday afternoon and you are watching the Cowboys’ game; they are up by three with less than two minutes to go. Your new wife says, “Let’s go shopping.” After all you don’t really want to watch the Cowboys find a new way to lose, so the answer is, “Yes, Dear.” If you are feeling a little amorous, keep plenty of aspirin on hand, so you are prepared for the women’s classic answer, “I have a headache.” However, the answer is still, “Yes, Dear.” Finally, the only time you can say no to your wife is when she asks the question, “Do I look fat in this dress?” As you mature together, you learn to work together as a team. For example, Jo Ann was shopping for a new bra. She could not remember what size to get; I knew exactly what would fit! She helps me remember our anniversary, her birthday, taking out the trash, and reminds me that my dog needs to go out at the crack of dawn.

No two weddings are exactly alike. The first time I got married, I was barely twenty-one, and had just taken my last final exam earlier in the day. At the wedding I was surrounded by my family and all my college friends. We partied late into the night! The second time I got married, I was in my early thirties. Jo Ann and I had five kids between us, ranging in age from three to eight. The youngest decided to cry through most of the ceremony. During the after party we spent most of our time chasing children. Through the grace of our family and friends, we were able to take a honeymoon.

Now Marrianne and Chris aren’t Seniors yet, but they are not spring chickens either. I came up with four things a middle-aged couple might need on their wedding night. I creatively included ‘something borrowed, something blue.’ Number one: No Dose, so they could stay up past ten. Two: Champagne, just because they can. Three: Viagra, the little blue pill, just in case they can’t. Four: they should borrow BJ’s oxygen, just in case the night takes their breath away!

Some juvenile wedding traditions say you are supposed to play a prank on the groom. For example we could tie Chris up to a tree in Dry Canyon next to a salt lick. He could have a staring contest with the deer. We Seniors are much too mature to do something like that. By the way, do bears like salt? And does anybody have a map of Dry Canyon?
Both Marrianne’s and Chris’ children are full grown, so the only crying was from Marrianne’s female friends. (Women always cry at weddings.) Since at the time we are writing this article the wedding hasn’t actually happened yet, I can’t say for sure how wild the party was; we do have some crazy Seniors!

So, let’s review what we’ve learned. 1) You can fall in love at any age. 2) The proper response for married men is, “Yes, Dear.” 3) There are many reasons to keep oxygen on hand. 4) You live in the resort town of Cloudcroft; you don’t need a honeymoon. (Unless it’s to escape from your pesky friends) May the Lord bless and keep Marrianne and Chris. May His face shine upon them. We speak for all your family and friends; we love you!

When the girls at the Senior Center stop crying (tears of joy), they will be happy to serve you one of those great lunches. Tell them you want chicken fried steak twice a week! Please call 682-3022 for lunch reservations, or to save a spot for you on the van that travels to Alamogordo for shopping on Monday and Tuesday. Come to the Center to exercise, play Bridge, Mexican Train, or Farkle with friends. Our Christmas lunch and party will be Friday, December 20th. And, always check out our website that Marty Ware so faithfully keeps updated ~ I do!! Have a joyful Christmas season as we remember the birth of our Lord and Savior. God bless!

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