Notes from the Birdhouse – The Dating Game

I have something I call a mating bag.  I often play the dating game with it.   Abandoned, lonely, and mismatched names all gather in this little bag of mine.  Some lay straight, some crumbled and crushed, some are young and new, others are old and jaded; but all are awaiting and willing to play this game with me.  I play mainly, no… always, in the winter.  This secret game started well before I married.  Some might call it an addiction.  It is a game I look forward to every year.  This bag is kept hidden deep within a closet that no one dares enter.  Just the thought of this bag sends goose bumps down my spine, maybe even a little drool finds its way to the corner of my lips, and then concludes with gloriously, sensual, warm feet.


Yes, people.  I am talking about my white plastic sock bag.  What did you think I was talking about?   Dirty, dirty, dirty little minds.  I am sure many of you have one, a sock bag not a dirty mind. There may even be a few of you that also play this game of shame with Nike, Haynes, Fruit of the Loom, Smart Wool, Nononesence, and others.   This bag is where the lost and misplaced one-sided sock goes.  I can’t bear to throw them away.  Heck, half are brand new.  Most of the mates suffered an unknown death, others were eaten by the washing machine or met their demise by the playful antics of my Mutt; however, all the remaining partners still have life and great potential.  There are soft cuddly ones and rough but warm ones. There are short ones and tall ones. Socks of every color in the rainbow adorn my bag and delight my eyes.

In winter I pull this bag out and play the dating game.  Sometimes the game is nothing more than catch and release other times a true courtship will ensue.  Qualified applicants must pass a series of compatibility questions. Do the potential mates have like texture or weave?   Do they have the same integrity?  Do they have fun together on your feet? How about their comfort value and what about that “wow!” factor, is it there?  Do polar opposites attract?  For example, would the sophisticated Argyle entertain the idea of being paired with the, oh so special, fun loving Ho, Ho, HO Christmas sock?

After careful consideration, I put them through the speed dating test, in which I try them on my feet and take them on a short test run through the house. I love how the newer ones can slide across the hardwood floor 10 sometimes 15 ft with a good running start.  If it all works, they are then paired and put into the sock drawer until it’s time to put away my beloved snow boots.  Of course, the matching of blended colors, designs and textures are forbidden in today’s society but who will be the wiser under all my layers of cloths and knee high snow boots?

I take pride in my rebel ways and look forward to winter but this new year will bring change.  You see, my dating bag has seen better days and my mates have been put through the ringer year after year.  Most are ready to move on to the retirement home I lovingly call The Good Samaritan Compost Heap.  There, they will find new uses beyond their comprehension.  For me, this year will bring something more than a plastic supermarket bag to stash them in.  I have a new recycled, reusable bag which will hold all my potentials looking for their sole mates.  I also went shopping for new socks.  They are stacked on the washer awaiting a good tumble.  My Mutt has spied them and the drool has started flowing. (I think that drooling thing runs in the family.)  In her mind, they are equivalent to a new toy just out of reach.

So here is to all the mates I’ve loved.  The good. The bad.  The lost.  May your next life bring happiness and ripe juicy tomatoes!

Next time you have a collection of rogue socks remember my slogan, “No more forced marriages!”

Other uses for socks are: dusting, storing your prized Christmas tree ornaments for next year. You can put tennis balls in them to roll on your neck to relieve headaches.  You can put a water bottle in one of them tie a knot and give it to the dog.  It makes an awesome crunchy toy for them.  Oh yeah, you can cover your golf clubs with them when putting away for the winter.  Just out of curiosity, what do you guys do with your lost mates?


If you are struggling with gift ideas come in to the Bird House and let us help you.  We have the cutest birdhouses, feeders and whimsy garden items.  A gift of nature is an unexpected and welcomed gift to just about everybody.  See you soon.



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