Follow Me to the Senior Center The End of the World Part II

By Carl and Jo Ann Hauser
If you’re not a Bible scholar, and you’re wondering when Part I was, think lots and lots of water, arks, and rainbows. If you’re conservative, you might have thought Part II was when Obama was elected in 2008. However, if you haven’t heard, according to the Mayans, Nostradamus, and some other ancient sources, the world as we know it will end on or about December 21st this year. Being a Christian, I’m not a believer of this particular end time prediction, and there may be logical explanations for this forecast by these wannabee ancient psychics. For example, it could be the Mayans simply didn’t have time to finish their calendar. After all, they had been invaded by Aztecs, who were into human sacrifice. Running for your life might have been a higher priority. And who else writes out their calendars five hundred years in advance? Your bank only gives you three years for your checkbook. As for Nostradamus, if you make enough predictions, you’re bound to get a few right! Like, I predict the Kansas City Chiefs will not win another football game this year, and the Dallas Cowboys will find a way to choke in the fourth quarter of almost all their games. I also predict sometime today my wife will find a job for me to do, or, failing that, she’ll go shopping.

Just so I have something to write about, let’s say those ancient prognosticators are right . . . you have less than thirty days to live. What choices would you make? What’s on your bucket list? This one wonderful woman I know decided if she had only thirty days to live, she would join a gym and try to lose twenty pounds. (Really?!) I guess she wanted to look good at her funeral, but what if those wonderful kids decided to save a buck and double-crossed her? She could end up a pile of ashes in an urn on her daughter-in-law’s mantle. One of the things on my wife’s bucket list was a fashionable pair of silver shoes with three-inch heels. She hadn’t worn heels like that for about twenty years, so by the time church was out, she was dizzy, and had leg cramps, but was still smiling. Here’s a tip for you ladies: when a guy sees a beautiful woman, he’s not looking at her shoes. (Just saying!)

There are two possible approaches for your last days on Earth. You could be as nice as you possibly can, helping friends, family and strangers with whatever they need. (That would be storing up treasure in Heaven.) Or you could do some of those ornery things you always wanted to do, thinking there will be no consequences. Like, you might decide to set a new speed record for driving down our mountain. Just as you round the corner by mile marker fourteen, you see that pesky state trooper parked in his usual spot. Now you just have a second to decide as you drive by whether to flash him the international peace sign or that other international hand gesture. The other one will probably land you in lock up, so I suggest you wait until December 20th before you try this, or check the menu at the county jail for when they’re serving chicken fried steak. Other things you can do in your last thirty days: tell your boss off; quit your job; put everything on your credit card; defriend all your obnoxious in-laws on Facebook. (I’m not on Facebook.) So, if you’re one of those people who always wanted to throw caution to the wind, there are a number of ways to go down in flames, or out with a bang.

The other approach, which I mentioned earlier, would be to help as many people as you possibly can. After all, the Bible says we may have unknowingly entertained angels, although I’m pretty sure none of them were state troopers, or ex-wives! Some nice things you could do: ladies, take your mother-in-law on a cruise (you probably don’t want to share the same cabin); men, take your wife on a cruise (but not on the same one as your mother-in-law); children, stop acting like children. Think love, joy, peace! So let’s review our bucket lists and what we’ve learned for our last days. 1) The only international hand gesture should be the peace sign. 2) Check the menu at the county jail. 3) Take a cruise. 4) Your ex is no angel. 5) Show lots of love to your friends, your family, and to even one of those homeless guys down by Wal-Mart.

If we really only have thirty days to live, I think the Senior Center should put me in charge of their menu for December. No more complying with State dietary guidelines! No more foods like spinach, asparagus, peas, and chicken! (I mean, really!) Let’s go out in style: prime rib, chicken fried steak, French fries, bacon cheese burgers, and donuts! So, if you haven’t been to the Senior Center lately, come on down and see us – time may be running out.

This month we have lots of special activities: decorating the Center, baking cookies, making cards, a special Christmas play, Christmas crafts, Christmas dinner with a suggested $5 gift exchange. Specific days for these activities will be noted in Kathy’s newsletter, and on Wendy’s hand-printed menu, available at the Center. We want to thank Marty for her amazing and creative work on our website: Have you been there lately? Do you need to shop in Alamogordo? Try riding our van for your next shopping excursion on Mondays or Tuesdays. Exercise classes are ongoing Tuesday and Friday mornings at 10:00. Roadrunner Food Bank is distributed at 2:00, the first Wednesday of the month. Please call Kathy or Marrianne at 682-3022 by 9:30 for lunch reservations, or for other information. Come play bridge on Tuesdays and Thursdays after lunch. We also have Farkel Fridays, and some of our Seniors have started playing Joker as well. Come have fun with us! If you see my menu posted in the December Mountain Monthly, start worrying! See you next year – maybe – God bless!

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