Follow Me to the Senior Center – Manhood Senior-Style

By Carl and Jo Ann Hauser
My grandson is about to turn eight years old, so my son Brian thought he’d make it a special birthday, calling it “A Passage into the Adventure of Boyhood.” Some of us men in his life are supposed to write letters with encouragement and advice. Along with the letters, he gets a bunch of cool stuff like a Swiss army knife, flashlight, bandanna, and a camera. Oh, and a trip to a wild animal park. (They live in Africa.) All right, ladies, pay attention. So, whether the man in your house is eight or eighty, we pretty much all want toys like that! For example, the next time your wife kicks you out of the house, you’ll need a flashlight to find your way in the dark, the Swiss army knife to survive in the wilds of Cloudcroft, the bandanna so you will look cool, and the camera so you can take your picture and post it on U-tube. (Did I mention my birthday is in December and I got Christmas ornaments last year?)

So this great birthday party my son is planning got me thinking about manhood. There is a book by John Eldredge called Wild at Heart, which actually is a good Christian book, and he has decided there are five or six phases men need to go through to become a complete man. Sigmund Freud believed everyone has an Id, Ego, and several complexes. I’m pretty sure I have a big Ego, but I can’t remember what an Id is, so I’m gonna say I don’t have one, and whoever is watching me, I’m not paranoid either! Whoever invented basketball decided the hoop should be ten feet off the ground. He must have been over six feet tall. The rest of us would like to be able to dunk a ball, too. If you are following my drift, God gave us the Ten Commandments, later the Golden Rule, and pretty much everything outside the Good Book is about a bunch of guys who got together and made stuff up. So I’m going to make up the rules for manhood Senior-style.

Now, you have probably seen the beer commercial where this guy is climbing a rock wall, looks down and starts crying. His buddies are thinking they should take his man card away. In fact, it seems like your whole life someone is always trying to take your man card away. For example, I have an older sister (need I say more? but I will!). When we were young, I would occasionally invite a friend over for dinner. She would wait for the right moment, just as my friend was taking a big drink of milk, and crack a joke. Milk would come shooting out of my friend’s nose! She didn’t just get one of my friends, she got all of them! I think she was collecting man cards. Even when I was raising kids of my own, I would occasionally come home from work to find Marcus, our youngest, stuffed in a trashcan, screaming for help. If you, too, were the youngest in your family, you know what I’m talking about.

The other major threat to your manhood is the pretty little innocent woman you call your wife. I made the mistake last winter of letting my wife drive my truck during a snow storm. Somehow she mistook a large rock for a pile of snow, and managed to put a huge scratch and dent on the side of my truck. She came home and confessed her error, so I told her she was grounded. She gave me that seriously? look. So for the next two weeks, she had wine and cheese parties with her girlfriends, and I found myself confined to my room. My man card was slipping away.

So, I decided the first rule for keeping your man card is: don’t let your wife drive your truck. Now, there are always exceptions to the rule. We were going to dinner with our friends Craig and Cindy. Craig was driving and he shockingly asked his wife which way to go. Now you might think you could lose your man card just for that, but Craig never, ever fails to open a door for his wife. Being a gentleman always ensures keeping your man card. Besides Craig and Cindy have driven semis for a living, so Craig has a permanent man card! And if you were ever going to let a woman drive your truck, Cindy would be the one. On the other hand, I always see Marty and George walking to the Senior Center. Now, I’m just guessing, but it could be they have to walk to the Senior Center because George let Marty drive his truck. However, they are both always smiling and holding hands, so I’m sure George is a gentleman, too.

Now, once you get to the Senior Center, you don’t have to check your man card at the door. But, there are a few simple rules. Don’t forget to wipe your feet at the door, or Wendy will get you. Don’t rearrange the chairs, or Jackie will get you. Don’t move the table numbers, or Marty will get you. And if you want to stay pain-free, be sure to take BJ’s cane away from her. Oh, yeah, the final rule, in case you forgot: don’t let your wife drive your truck!

So, come on down to your Senior Center. We have a lot of fun, and most of us aren’t dangerous! Come share a meal with friends Monday through Friday from 11:30 ‘til 12:15, calling 682-3022 by 9:30AM for reservations. Call the Center to sign up for a trip to Alamo on Mondays for shopping and lunch out. Come for Farkle Fridays or bridge with friends on Thursdays. Exercise with Gail one morning a week. We also have a small exercise room with a treadmill. Be sure to look up our spectacular website designed by Marty Ware at www.mtnseniors.com.

Our Senior Center strives to help our entire community. With our SAP program and Roadrunner Food Bank, we are able to help families who are going through a rough time. This January our Director Kathy Swope was presented with an opportunity to help the village of High Rolls. They have been sorely in need of a new Community Center for several years. After a quick meeting with the Lions Club in High Rolls and our Otero County Commissioners, Marrianne and Kathy put together a proposal to acquire the funding for the Center from the State. Kathy then drove up to Santa Fe to present to our Representatives. As this article is being written there are bills before both Houses for this funding. Hopefully by the time you read this, the High Rolls Community Center will be on its way to becoming a reality. Many kudos to Kathy Swope and her marathon effort for the village of High Rolls! God bless you all! Oh, just a reminder, don’t let your wife drive your truck!